November 2018

The first time I saw you cry
was in a hospital far from home

Gone was my resolute Mother
here was my Mom
as a Daughter
with her Dad.

My last memory of you
was in a hospital close to your home

You were older than I remembered
and when my Mom said your name
“Dad”
you looked at her
but your eyes were blank.

And her voice broke
and was small
and she said it again, pleading
“Dad”
and your eyes were blank

And when it was too much to bear
my Dad laid his hand on my shoulder
and led me out of the room.

______________

Track 10 of this month’s Monthly Jamm is Mah’s Joint by Jon Bellion and features Quincy Jones. When I first heard this track, it was the first third or so that really resonated with me and inspired me to write the above note on my family’s own experience with Alzheimer’s. But Mah’s Joint is really a three-part song. In the first part, it’s just Jon’s voice, a guitar and a synth, as he describes his grandmother’s degeneration towards the end of her life.

It’s only moving faster, you’re only sinking farther / I see it in your eyes now, it’s only getting harder

Tables have reversed, and it is now Jon’s mom caring for her mother.

When my mother was a mother to her mom / There’s a “sorry” that you faked to keep her happy / When she thinks she hasn’t seen you in so long / There are things that she’s not able to remember

Jon details his struggles with what he’s seeing and what it means. It’s through his faith that he finds an answer:

Conversations with the Devil and he’s telling me / What’s the point in making memories / When you can’t even find ’em when you’re 70?

Conversations with my Father and he’s telling me / There’s a point in making memories / ‘Cause they’ll be even better when we’re heavenly

Part two is intro’d at 2:45, with this quote and some celebratory horns:

For the mothers who are with us physically

Part two is an upbeat celebration of all the moms alive with us today, marked notably by respect and admiration:

Tell your mama you love her

Part three comes in soft at 4:59, with this quote and some heavenly strings:

For the mothers who are with us spiritually

This song is an emotional drainer. I mean, damn: part one will have you in tears, part two will have you in happy tears, and part three will have you in tears again.

Thanksgiving’s coming up next week. So, for those of us lucky to have our mothers with us physically, let’s all take a note from Jon’s lyrics and “tell your mama you love her.”

– theMonthlyJamm | November 16th, 2018